i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
