there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
