WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
