Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
