I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
