At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
