i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
