you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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