So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
