i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
