Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
