I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
