Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
