the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you had me at cake vodka
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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