she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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