And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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