...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wish there were birth control emojis
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
