I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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