I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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