I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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