who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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