no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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