i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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