Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
