i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
