Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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