apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
