$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
