dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We had sex on a dog bed..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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