I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
