Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
