Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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