I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
