Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
His nipple licking is glorious
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