I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
