hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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