All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
