Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
