I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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