You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
