life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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