But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
