jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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