if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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