Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
