i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
