after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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