I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize