jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just want to make out with him forever
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
