she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
