My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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