he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
