apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
