I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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