well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
