stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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