woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
