I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
